Words can still hurt!

I had such a great time this weekend. I was enjoying my weekend and feeling great about working out for 9 days in a row, eating healthy, and tracking my food. I was feeling great and spent yesterday with my family who said I looked much better. My skin is still a problem but I am still working towards my goal and I am gaining new muscle everyday!

Well then today someone said to me "Wow you've been gaining weight again!" I almost hit the floor. Yes I've gained some back. Hello I was almost a skeleton before. I am working hard everyday! I feel better in my body. I have lost 7 pounds. I am working with my awesome brother/personal trainer Craig. It was painful to hear those words. I said to them well I have been working out and eating what I'm supposed to and I've lost weight. All they said was hmmmmm........hmmmm?????? really?

No one is perfect! I'm not for sure. I will never be. Even though I know I feel and look better those words still hurt. I remember growing up in school and walking though class with boys saying "Watch out the whale is coming!" Girls were not much nicer. I am thankful for private school. I'm sure that helped a bunch! However, I will never forget all of the words, stupid names, and looks I've gotten throughout the years. Even though I have lost the weight some words still hurt. Then it causes all of the lost bad words that have been said wash back into my brain like a monsoon.

Oh well this to will pass. Tomorrow is a new day. I will most likely work harder tomorrow because of the hurtful words. I have my yearly Gastric Bypass check up in a few weeks. It always makes me nervous. I think this year will be hard but I know that I am working hard, I will get better, and I will succeed.

P.S. I took this picture the other day before I worked out because well I felt awesome! I thought I looked amazing. I know I see change! So ha!

To those hurtful words from today all I have to say is FU!

 

Yummy!

Wow haven't been on here in a few days. I have been super busy and trying to get work done for a class I'm taking. I have some awesome things to share today!

1. I have worked out everyday for the last 8 days. I don't ever remember a time where that has happened.

2. I have finally figured out how to use my wireless headphones! Now I can jam during my work out.

3. I have started tracking my food again using my fitness pal. In order for me to lose any weight I need to eat less than 890 calories a day. However, now that I have been lifting and gaining some muscle mass I can eat a little more. Now I can have 1,000 calories a day! This is still SUPER hard to do. I have gone over each day by no more than 100 calories. I hate tracking my food. I don't know if it's because I have to face what I'm really eating or that I just hate having to do it. It's most likely both.

4. I finally found a protein powder I like! I found two! However, I don't remember the name of one I bought it in bulk by the pound and didn't take a picture of the bottle. So I have always loved graham crackers. I can't eat them now after surgery. I can't find an alternative that I like. I read on line that there are protein powders that taste like graham crackers. I stopped my Vitamin Shoppe to look around and I found this for 50% off I got it for 14.99! It was such an amazing deal I had to turn the car around to go get my brother some! Syntha-6 not only has awesome tasting bars but their powder is amazing as well! I'm so happy I found one I can not only tolerate but one I love!

Ok that's it I'm tired! Good night world see you tomorrow! It's going to be a great day!

Skin Skin Skin!

Yesterday was a crazy day. I went to the gym and lifted, then went to Zumba with my friends Jessica and Tiffany! Wow that was a ton of work and sweat! I was walking on the treadmill at the gym and I happened to catch a view of my leg skin moving/shaking. It's so strange because I felt so good walking then I saw my legs and thought ugh! I felt like a wonderful hard working person. After I saw my legs in the mirror I thought a little less. However, I just had to force my mind to say "no I look good on this treadmill!"

Those of you who know me understand I don't care about my extra skin. After all I worked very hard to gain my skin. People love to gawk at my legs. I have gotten used to people looking at my skin sometimes I even shake my leg at them and make then feel more confused. I have so much skin on my legs it is very difficult to find pants that fit. I have spent many mornings crying and throwing pants around my room because they don't fit in my legs. I have also spent time shopping with my husband and crying in dressing rooms because I just can't find pants that fit. During the school year I have to look professional. I always have to wear skirts, dresses, or super baggie pants. Part of the reason I called my blog "Sky's Out Thighs Out" is because in the summer I live by that. I wear shorts every day. Yes they are crazy short, yea my skin hangs out and, shakes around. It doesn't matter to me I am just so happy to wear something I feel free in.

I get a million comments about my skin. I have students who come up and touch my arms and say eww why is your skin like that. I always explain to them I used to weigh a lot and I lost a bunch of weight and this is what's left over. This year I had a student that I had the previous year ask me "Hey Mrs. Duncan why don't just get that extra skin cut off or something?!?!" I told him it is very expensive it's about $5,000 a part of the body. He stood there for a while thinking about what I said and then he said "Wow thats like $20,000/$25,000 dollars!" I was very impressed with the math skills of this first grade student. I told him yep that's why it's still there. I love the skin I'm in. It is a mark of how hard I worked to get here. It won't go away working out won't fix it. I am so very happy to be healthy and on the right path for the rest of my life.
I loved getting married it the love of my life in 2015. Our honeymoon was so fun! I wore a two piece  bikini  for the first time ever. I figured I'm going to the Bahamas no one cares what I look like anyway! I felt awesome in my skin so proud of the way I looked.

I still love showing off my skin. I'm not afrade to show it to other people or shake it in their face. Even though I have gained back a few pounds I still think I look great. Some people in my support groups have said how can you wear shorts? I would never wear shorts. They were embarrassed to show their skin. I know some people have skin problems worse than mine. However, they should still feel good about what they have done. Once I said something to a mean lady who was pointing and laughing at my legs with her and her friends. I went up to them shook my leg in their faces and said " I HAVE LOST 160 POUNDS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" I don't think they liked what I had to say, but hey I'm not going to let someone do that to me or anyone else.


I every day I'm still working on my self and how I feel in my skin. At the gym I felt I wanted to take pictures of me that way I can see progress. It's funny how I think when I look at the above pictures compared to pictures from yesterday. I see failure in someways and progress in others. Skin is in and it will always be for me. Someday I will be able to wear pants and love the way my legs feel in them. Until that time I will keep working hard. I can even see in one picture where my skin is hanging under my leg how much muscles I have and how toned that muscle is. It's all there but it's just covered up by silly skin!

Crafting VS Crunching!

So I was thinking today as I talked to my mom. I had made a peace sign string art thing. I noticed that my mind wasn't focused on food the whole time and I was focused and determined to finish it that day. Sometimes I just sit and watch tv or read a book and it's like I get board and want to snack on or drink something. This is clearly NOT what I should be doing. It's always been the same struggle. It all comes back to even if you are given an amazing tool, diet, or plan you still have to make the right mental choice. IT IS SO HARD! Oh sure some people say to me just put it down! Oh well sure that's soooo easy! I would put it down yea and pick it right back up! I have heard before that keeping your mind busy and not leaving empty time for grazing is helpful. Now this I can agree with.

I know what I love to do that's not eating. I love to color, make fun stuff, workout (YES I JUST SAID  THAT!) and swim! I need to continue to do those things that make me happy when I am done. When I'm done eating at a time I'm not supposed to, or eating the wrong thing it makes me feel even worse about myself. So what happens? I freaking do it again! Over the last two weeks I have been doing little projects like string art or coloring. When I am done I feel happy and I want to keep going. Nothing else really matters I have to get to the next color, nail, string, or whatever! I told my mom yesterday "I think I want to do this string art crap all the time I love it!"

I think though I only need so many things in my house that are not going to get hung up!  So with all of that being said. If you ever want me to make you anything......stringart, wine glass animals, or anything crafty..... I would love to help you out! Just leave a comment or message me on Facebook. Find something that makes you happy when you done. Feeling guilty or sad when you've finished something just isn't a great way to feel.

Food you stupid thing!

Haven't posted in almost two days! Training Wednesday and then I got addicted to coding! Today I was out all day working on stuff for school! I chose to eat out which is always hard for me. It seems near impossible to make good choices when all my brain wants is CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, and more Crap. I did make a good protein chose for lunch no bread with my smoked sausage. Yes smoked sausage is high fat and high salt. There went many other good choices then I chose bread as a side. I had a break down of mental toughness. I felt fine after I ate. Then dinner came a few hours later. I chose a chicken salad with garlic olive oil dressing on the side. However, when I was done eating the salad I felt sick for over an hour! Eat junk feel fine! Eat healthy food and my body didn't know what to do with it.

Every day can't be perfect nor can every meal be perfect every time. I try to make the best choices and you know what? Smetimes I don't make good ones! Every meal is a new start and every day is a new day! I will try again tomorrow and I'm working out with my brother tomorrow! I'm excited for that! I still can barely walk from Monday and Tuesdays workout!

I WORK OUT!

So today was the first day of my workout adventure by my self. As some of you know yesterday my awesome bro taught me some starter work out things. I also took his advice on a three part supplement process. I am always so deathly sore after I work out and I always feel like I have no energy when I go. So I thought I would share what I did today!

1. I used this pre-workout (pictured below) it is super yummy and gives me the energy to work hard and want to be there. It does have some weird things that go with it. Really, i'm just not used to it. Your heart rate will go up, and your fingers and ears might tingle. I thought I might be dying the first time I took it (Yes I was dramatic). I called Craig to see if this was normal and he said (In short) "Yes its all normal, and go run around the block or something you'll be fine!" I thought that was so funny. He was right I started to feel better once I got started. This is a great healthy way to get your work out started.

2. I started just today BPI Best BCAA. This is for muscle recovery. I don't feel as sore as I did yesterday or this morning. I don't know what else to say except it taste very good. Usually anything fruit punch flavored I stay away from, but this was all that they had at the store. It ended up tasting awesome! I was very happy with it!

3. After my workout I thought I would try a protein shake thing. I use this type to make smoothies sometimes. So I thought oh yea it will be great! WRONG it was nasty!(mixed with water) It has a great taste usually and it has little crunchy bits that makes it taste like cereal. Well when you mix it with water and just drink it the chunky bits looked like rice and taste like little squishy worms in my mouth! GROSS! I might not be doing that flavor again. 

Even with the weird protein powder experience I still had an awesome workout and felt great about what I put into my body. I am not totally sure I will be able to walk tomorrow, but I know the pain will be a good pain. Starting to feel better! 

New You!

Yes the surgery does fix your stomach. However, it doesn't fit your mind or life style. I have been struggling to change my life style and mental look out on life. I know I NEVER want to be 303 pounds ever again! It is hard to commit to going everyday. Anything can be done with an amazing support system! I started working out with my awesome brother this morning! I have been working on my own for a few weeks now. Help from someone who you know that has the knowledge to help is always good! Now I have new things to work on at the gym.

I was so excited to go workout with my brother Craig this morning!

For me it's not the working out part that is hard it's the getting there and getting started that is hard. I always have a million on reasons why I don't, can't, want to go. I just try to remind my self where I have been, what I used to look like, and where I want to be. That is what helps me get there but I still hate it sometimes. I'm sure it will become more enjoyable over time. I hope you have a great Monday!