Workout! UGH......why?

I am sure most can agree that working out is not what they enjoy most. I know that was always me the one girl in gym class who couldn't run fast and could not do a mile if I wanted to. I always felt inside like I wanted to do all of these amazing wonderful things I see others doing.

It was one of my reasons for having the Gastric Bypass. I wanted to ride a roller coaster and know that I could fit in the seat. I wanted to go zip lining but you had to be under a number. Heck even water slides have limits. I wanted to be limitless. Can I just say......really water slides weight limit? I know I was big but dang I wasn't about to block a tube or bounce out of a slide! If anything I went faster. However, getting to the top was the hardest part. I can do so many more things now than I ever could before. Hold on I've gone of topic here......ummmmm.

Oh Yeah! Working out! They said I would need to workout after surgery to help not only lose the weight but to keep it off. It also helps the skin go back( yea right I'm pretty sure some of the skin was like NOPE IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!) I worked out in the beginning a few times a week. Then once I lost the weight I thought oh I'm good now. Haha I was so wrong. I was good for a while and I was still losing. However, at one point I started to look unhealthy. I even remember standing in my living room holding my skin leaning under a light and asking my husband if he could see my spleen! I was laughing then but now looking back I was most likely to small. When you can see all your ribs and are wondering if people can see your organs well that's a little much!

 I started gaining some weight back. I think my body is happy at 130-150. However, after being in the  115-118 range I saw and still see myself as 300 pounds. It is a daily struggle to look in the mirror and say "fuck yea I look awesome!" I started working out again and have made a commitment to go daily. I always try and do my best but sometimes it's hard and I just want to go home. I still make my self go and at least do something. If I don't go at all I will never go back. My brother goes everyday! Even when we went on vacation he went everyday! He inspires me every day and is part of the reason I am determined to go every day! He even answers my stupid questions like "should my arms be tingling? Is it ok if my heart rate is 130?" I am planning on going even more this summer! The goal it's to go everyday or at least 5 of 7 days! With one day being with my brother to help me out! I can already see changes. I see muscle gain but not weight loss. That had always been hard for me. I know though if I keep working at it I will someday look at myself and say yes I can see good change. .

Don't get me wrong I love my body and all my saggy skin. I also don't care what anyone thinks or has to say. At the end of the day it's how do I feel in my own skin. A scale with a ton of shitty not nice numbers on it will not and should not ruin anyone's day. I try not to weigh my self. Maybe once a month or so. I try to focus on how I feel in my own skin and in my clothes! Here are some pictures of my progress just this week at the gym.