Workout! UGH......why?

I am sure most can agree that working out is not what they enjoy most. I know that was always me the one girl in gym class who couldn't run fast and could not do a mile if I wanted to. I always felt inside like I wanted to do all of these amazing wonderful things I see others doing.

It was one of my reasons for having the Gastric Bypass. I wanted to ride a roller coaster and know that I could fit in the seat. I wanted to go zip lining but you had to be under a number. Heck even water slides have limits. I wanted to be limitless. Can I just say......really water slides weight limit? I know I was big but dang I wasn't about to block a tube or bounce out of a slide! If anything I went faster. However, getting to the top was the hardest part. I can do so many more things now than I ever could before. Hold on I've gone of topic here......ummmmm.

Oh Yeah! Working out! They said I would need to workout after surgery to help not only lose the weight but to keep it off. It also helps the skin go back( yea right I'm pretty sure some of the skin was like NOPE IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!) I worked out in the beginning a few times a week. Then once I lost the weight I thought oh I'm good now. Haha I was so wrong. I was good for a while and I was still losing. However, at one point I started to look unhealthy. I even remember standing in my living room holding my skin leaning under a light and asking my husband if he could see my spleen! I was laughing then but now looking back I was most likely to small. When you can see all your ribs and are wondering if people can see your organs well that's a little much!

 I started gaining some weight back. I think my body is happy at 130-150. However, after being in the  115-118 range I saw and still see myself as 300 pounds. It is a daily struggle to look in the mirror and say "fuck yea I look awesome!" I started working out again and have made a commitment to go daily. I always try and do my best but sometimes it's hard and I just want to go home. I still make my self go and at least do something. If I don't go at all I will never go back. My brother goes everyday! Even when we went on vacation he went everyday! He inspires me every day and is part of the reason I am determined to go every day! He even answers my stupid questions like "should my arms be tingling? Is it ok if my heart rate is 130?" I am planning on going even more this summer! The goal it's to go everyday or at least 5 of 7 days! With one day being with my brother to help me out! I can already see changes. I see muscle gain but not weight loss. That had always been hard for me. I know though if I keep working at it I will someday look at myself and say yes I can see good change. .

Don't get me wrong I love my body and all my saggy skin. I also don't care what anyone thinks or has to say. At the end of the day it's how do I feel in my own skin. A scale with a ton of shitty not nice numbers on it will not and should not ruin anyone's day. I try not to weigh my self. Maybe once a month or so. I try to focus on how I feel in my own skin and in my clothes! Here are some pictures of my progress just this week at the gym.

How did I get here?

Hey everyone, well anyone that reads this. I have wanted to start a blog for a long time. However, it makes me nervous to share my life experiences with others out there. I want to just share with the world my weight loss journey. Weight has always been an issue since I was 8. My weight got out of control when I went to college. At some point at the beginning of my freshman year in college I made the choice to lose weight. Sadly my choice was to stop eating compleatly and work out a ton! Yea, not smart! I started at my highest weight 303 pounds. I lost 70ish pound the wrong way. I ended up gaining 30-40 back.

After college trying to work at my weight was affecting my job. I am a teacher. I was unable to get to my students level to talk to them. In the fall of 2011 I started the process to get approval for a Gastric Bypass. I wanted to have the surgery not only to lose the weight, but to have a happy life/experiences with my now husband Jeff. I started classes through The Ohio State University to teach me good eating and exercise habits. I was approved in may 2012 and had my surgery in July 2012 at The OSU Medical Center. I made it through with no problems and began the process of losing the weight.

I left OSU at 278 pounds. The first six weeks were umm well HELL. That is a totally different post! I started seeing results after the first two weeks. Before I knew it in just over a year I had lost almost all of the weight I wanted to. I went from 278 points to 115 pounds (yes 115 it was to small now that I look back) I gained back some weight due to medication changes and some not so great choices. I now weigh in the 150s. I still struggle with the way I look. When I was at 115 pounds I thought I looked amazing! Now that I am in the 150s I'm unhappy with the way I look. People say you still look great! Yes, I understand that when people see me they think wow you look great. For me it's a mental battle between a scale number and what I see when I look in the mirror. I want to share my struggles and successes with those people who have had some sort of weight loss and struggle to see the great things they have done. I will post more things later. I just wanted to put a summary out there!

I am very proud of what I have accomplished! I am working hard to keep it that way. I am working out daily and doing my best to eat what I'm supposed to! I am looking forward to sharing my crazy experiences, excess skin, and food with the world! Here is just one of many pictures before and after. This is me the morning of my surgery and then me at my lowest weight!